There is precious little funny about a marriage breaking up.  Loftiest ideals and romantic aspirations of a couple once deeply in love, crash and burn, faced with the humdrum of house chores, irritation of political disagreements, and wife’s sudden realization that the gardener is too good looking to pass up.  (She may be disappointed later, but the harm is done.)  The tragedy of marriage dissolution should not be taken lightly.  And yet, with every second couple divorcing, we must find humour in it, if we are to continue having any good time at all.  Since I entered the profession, I am stunned by a cocktail party at which I am not called upon to advise on at least one marital problem of a hypothetical “friend.”  What attitude should we adopt on the issue?  Only three options present themselves.  We can pretend it does not happen (which is what my great-aunt Lady Aylward and her husband George have been now doing for upwards of two decades.)  We can adopt the air of gravity which circumstances deserve.  Or, we can laugh.  What do you say?

Dear Doctor Aylward:

     My husband of twenty two years left me to marry his secretary, after my detectives caught him doing entirely inappropriate things to her in the bathroom of Hotel Charlotte.   Despite his foul romantic judgment, he has always been a caring father, and the Twins never wanted for anything.  The trouble is: the bimbo is now expecting a child, and Walter is becoming stingy.  He rang me up today, asking if it if I will agree that he only pays “his share” for the college.  I think it is rotten of him to shirk his responsibilities, since he makes so much more money than I do.  Everyone in our families has college degrees, and Walter always planned on sending the Twins to Princeton, where he took his own B.S.  Education is very important to me.  Should I engage an aggressive lawyer to fight for the Twins’ college funds?

Dear Parent:

     Absolutely NO FIGHTING.  Do not even dream about fighting.  Ring Walter, tell him what a great father he is, and schedule a time (preferable very-very soon) to discuss this “agreement” he is offering.  

    The sad truth is that under North Carolina law, Walter is not responsible for the Twins’ college bills.  At all.  No matter what he planned when you were married.  No matter what your family’s accustomed standard of education is.  No matter how talented the Twins are.  If you take your fight to court, you will discover the hard way that the Twins are not entitled to the college tuition, no matter how aggressive your lawyer.  But take heart.  Outside of court, Walter is free to obligate himself in any way he sees fit.  Walter’s offer is looking better already?  Get yourself a diplomatic attorney, have him draft an agreement, and, while you are at it, mention to Walter that you would like to set up a 529 tax-saving plan.  Walter seems like a decent enough chap – why make him pay unnecessary income tax.  Besides, when he sees how much you care, he may throw in his share of the Twins’ law school payments?